This week your invitation to nourishment
a reflection on how to strengthen connection and ease in your relationships during Menopause
3 simple and effective Zen practices and affirmations for patience, grace and communication
the science and zen of deep listening
explore the posture of grace
a zen circle a guided partner practice
Building upon one of my popular recent posts (below) this weeks offering for nourishment expands the essence of how to bring a deeper level of care to ourselves and our closest relationships at a time of change.
Support in Transition
A Sunday walk in nature by the water with my partner yesterday sparked a pathway of inspiration and enquiry. Sensing that the type of conversation we were having throughout was somehow different to the conversations we have at home. Often influenced by background distractions such as tv, phones and emails. However, in nature without those familiar distractions there seemed to be more of a natural flow so our conversation, with no specific beginning or point. A effortless flow reflecting the essence of the meandering river, which we were walking alongside.
During this journey, deep listening emerged and responses were graceful and supportive once in the flow. A much welcomed antidote to the sometimes frustration of not feeling/being like our old selves with unfamiliar responses and reactions during this biological shift. A profound transition that touches our emotions, relationships, and sense of self. Taking a leaf from a Zen perspective, this stage of life is an opportunity to slow down, listen deeply, and embrace change with openness, which is definitely how l would describe my Sunday experience.
Referring to and living practically with some of the Zen teachings as well as being with nature on a regular basis, for me has been particular helpful during Menopause. Why?, well simply put they can remind us that impermanence (anicca) is the natural flow of life—our bodies, thoughts, and emotions are always shifting. Fighting change only creates suffering. But when we meet menopause with patience, grace, and real communication, it transforms from a struggle into a path of wisdom and connection.
The Art of Stillness & Softening
Patience with yourself and others during this time becomes paramount in terms of how you take care of yourself and how you communicate your needs.
Acceptance in why you are in any moment without comparison helps, it’s about being fully here, right now.
Science shows us that menopause-related hormonal shifts can make us more reactive, more anxious, affecting mood, energy, and focus. Neuroscientists have found that certain mindfulness/ noticing practices can help because they strengthen the prefrontal cortex, helping regulate emotions and reduce stress responses.
Patience is often misunderstood as simply waiting, but in Zen, patience is a state of deep presence and surrender. It’s about meeting each moment as it is, without resistance or urgency. During menopause, as emotions fluctuate and energy shifts, patience becomes both a challenge and a vital skill in maintaining inner balance and connection with others.
1. Zen Practice for Patience: The Art of Stillness & Softening
Step 1: Grounding into the Present Moment
Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed.
Sit comfortably—either cross-legged on a cushion or with feet grounded on the floor.
Close your eyes or soften your gaze, allowing your breath to settle into its natural rhythm.
Step 2: The Breath of Patience
Place one hand on your belly and the other on your heart.
Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four, feeling your belly expand.
Hold the breath for a count of four, noticing the pause.
Exhale gently through your mouth for a count of six, feeling tension leave your body.
Repeat for five rounds, allowing each breath to lengthen and soften naturally.
Why this works: Slow, intentional breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, shifting the body from stress to calm, reducing reactivity and impatience.
Step 3: Observing Without Reacting
As you sit, bring to mind a recent moment where you felt frustrated, rushed, or reactive.
Without judgment, observe the emotions that arise—tightness, heat, restlessness.
Rather than pushing them away, imagine them as clouds drifting across the sky—temporary and ever-changing.
Zen Insight: Just like the sky remains vast and untouched by passing clouds, your inner awareness remains steady even as emotions move through you.
Step 4: The Mantra of Softening
Silently repeat: "Softening, allowing, flowing."
With each inhale, soften the edges of frustration.
With each exhale, allow the moment to be as it is.
With the next breath, flow into acceptance.
Continue this for 5 minutes, feeling patience grow as you surrender to the present moment.
Step 5: Bringing Patience into Daily Life
Next time you feel irritation rising, pause and take one deep breath before reacting.
Silently say: "I allow this moment to be as it is."
If speaking, slow your words, allowing space between sentences.
If listening, fully absorb the other person’s words before responding.
Final Thought:
Patience isn’t about suppressing frustration—it’s about creating space between stimulus and response. Through breath, presence, and softening, we cultivate grace under pressure, allowing menopause—and life—to unfold with greater ease.
Grace: Moving Through Change with Ease
Grace isn’t about perfection—it’s about flow.
Zen teaches us to be like water, adapting to change rather than resisting it. Yet, it’s easy to feel frustrated when brain fog, fatigue, or shifting emotions interfere with daily life.
Research on self-compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff shows that being kind to ourselves reduces stress and fosters resilience. When we let go of the expectation to be who we were, we make space for who we are becoming.
In Zen, grace is not about effort—it’s about surrendering to the natural rhythm of life. Grace is fluidity in the face of challenge, the ability to move with change rather than against it. During menopause, when emotions, energy, and identity shift, grace becomes a powerful practice—one that allows us to soften into transformation rather than resist it.
2. Zen Practice for Grace: Moving Through Change with Ease
Step 1: The Posture of Grace
Find a comfortable seated position—on a cushion, chair, or even lying down.
Imagine a mountain—solid, steady, yet effortlessly meeting the changing winds and seasons.
Gently lift your spine as if being drawn upward, while keeping your shoulders relaxed and soft.
Close your eyes or lower your gaze.
Why this works: A grounded yet open posture signals the nervous system to shift from tension to ease, allowing grace to become embodied.
Step 2: The Breath of Surrender
Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to expand.
As you exhale through your mouth, whisper the word “surrender.”
With each breath, feel tension melting from your jaw, shoulders, and heart space.
Repeat for five slow breaths, letting go of the need to control or force.
Zen Insight: Grace is found in releasing resistance. The breath teaches us how to let go without force, just as a river shapes stone over time—not through struggle, but through flow.
Step 3: The Practice of Non-Grasping
Bring to mind a current challenge—maybe it’s fatigue, brain fog, shifting emotions, or uncertainty in relationships.
Instead of resisting or fixing, simply observe.
Ask yourself: Can I meet this moment without clinging or pushing it away?
Imagine holding a delicate feather in your hand—neither gripping it nor letting it fall, just allowing it to rest.
Apply this same energy to your thoughts, emotions, and body—neither forcing nor suppressing, but simply being with what is.
Why this works: In Zen, this is the practice of non-attachment—the key to moving with life’s changes, rather than feeling trapped by them.
Step 4: The Mantra of Grace
Silently repeat: "I move with ease. I meet change with grace."
With each inhale, imagine softness and acceptance filling your body.
With each exhale, release the need to be who you were yesterday.
Let this mantra become a rhythm—one that extends beyond this practice into daily life.
Step 5: Bringing Grace into Relationships & Menopause
Next time frustration or discomfort arises, pause before reacting.
Ask yourself: Am I resisting this moment, or can I allow it to unfold?
When emotions feel overwhelming, place a gentle hand over your heart as a gesture of self-compassion and quietly say to yourself ‘How human of me to feel this way’.
Speak and move more slowly—grace is found in the space between words and actions.
Final Thought:
Grace is not perfection. It is the art of flowing with what is, trusting that every change is part of a greater unfolding. Through breath, presence, and non-resistance, we cultivate grace in the body, mind, and heart—moving through menopause and life with effortless ease.
A Zen Affirmation Practice for Grace:
When frustration arises, repeat:
"Soften, allow, flow."
Let the words settle in your body like ripples in water.
Communication:
3. The Zen And Science of Deep Listening
Menopause can challenge communication—word recall slows, emotions intensify, and frustration builds. But in Zen, communication isn’t just about speaking—it’s about listening with presence.
Science backs this up: Active listening triggers oxytocin, the bonding hormone, strengthening connection and easing tension.
Zen Practice for Communication:
Next time your partner speaks, ask yourself:
"Am I listening to understand, or just to reply?"
Pause. Breathe. Respond from a place of presence, not reaction.
4. The Zen Circle: A Guided Partner Practice
This simple practice helps you and your partner reconnect, using the Zen principle of the ensō (circle)—a symbol of wholeness and presence.
How to Do It:
Step 1: Set the Space – Sit comfortably, facing each other. Light a candle or simply take a few deep breaths together.
Step 2: Draw a Circle – On a piece of paper, take turns drawing a Zen circle. This represents your journey—imperfect yet whole, ever-changing yet complete.
Step 3: Speak & Listen with Presence – Each person completes these three sentences:
“Right now, I feel…”
“What I need most is…”
“One thing I appreciate about you is…”
While one speaks, the other listens without interrupting or planning a response. Just hold space for the words to land.
Step 4: Close with Gratitude – Thank each other. Fold the paper and keep it somewhere visible as a reminder that you are walking this path together.
Final Thought: Flow, Don’t Fight
Menopause, like all of life, is a wave rising and falling. Through patience, grace, and real conversation, we ride the wave rather than resist it.
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